Students of history will observe that over the millenia not much changes in the world of politics and the similarities between the modern era and the politics of Ancient Rome are quite startling. Indeed, even less has changed than you might think. This article was originally written shortly after the coming to power in Britain of the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition. I have tweaked it a bit and broken it up into installments. Here is Part Four.
CAMERONIUS CONSERVITUS ADDRESSES THE NATION
Part Four
Which brings me to another matter of concern: the heretical new creeds that are sweeping the province and stirring people up into refusing to drug their children and heaping sarcasm upon every utterance of the Media Hysteria.
Such dangerous creeds as the Nutritium and Dianetix are everywhere and a tad too popular for the Emperor’s liking. They threaten to disrupt entirely the Imperial programs so favored by the Emperor and his Illuminati, some of which I have alluded to here and which collectively are known by the epithet “Slumbrus Acquiesens.”
We can’t have people just running around destabilizing the status quo by irresponsibly tossing new ideas about willy-nilly, even if they do make sense - and especially ones that undermine the Pharmacopeia and Hoaxacopeia in their efforts to make money for the Temple of Dementia, of which the Emperor himself and his chums are, as you know – or at least suspected - the primary shareholders. I ask the people therefore not to listen to scientific arguments or believe everything they see with their own eyes, nor to rely on their own common sense or good judgment if they can possibly avoid it, for such behavior, being listed in the DSM under “Ipso Facto” (a tendency to base one’s conclusions on facts) will surely get them into trouble, if you get my drift………
The leaders of these new cults, such as the infamous Doous Afava and the annoying Sensibal Dietts will soon be brought to book and rebuked for their troublemaking ways, probably by being nailed to the tree that stands in the main square of the Forum.
We have in this country as you know a fine tradition of free speech and that right should not be misconstrued by some venal twist of logic to imply freedom of action. People can speak all they like, provided they do so quietly and do not assume they have a right to do things, such as publishing books or addressing audiences.
While we are on that subject, let me lay to rest the unfairly accurate criticisms leveled by the aforementioned Sensibal Dietts at the Hoaxucopeia’s Chemicus Imbalens theory. The validity of said theory has been proven time and again by a string of advertisements in the Media Hysteria and, besides, it was developed by hours of research at the exalted Academy of Ludicrus Fibs which, being a very impressive building with lots of books in it, is not really to be questioned by anyone with an eye on his political career.
Undeterred by the overwhelming weight of public relations in favour of the Chemicus Imbalens theory, Mr. Sensibal persists with his perpetual and vociferous carping and moaning and tiresome cries of “where’s the evidence?”
Evidence, quite obviously, has nothing to do with it but Mr. Sensibal has insisted on pointing out, quite seditiously, that an examination of the brains of corpses during recent “studies” at his renegade Academy at Betta Thanpils, revealed that the brains of an inordinate number of residents of the Province are contaminated by high doses of poisons such as lead, mercury, cadmium, strontium and wine – not to mention drugs – and quite often glow in the dark.
“It is hardly surprising,” he has stated, hysterically, “that people’s brains have chemical imbalances when we keep shoving dangerous chemicals into them that don’t belong there. And given that they have been poisoned, forced into slavery, taxed, fed an endless diet of bad news by the Media Hysteria and told they are bonkers by the Hoaxacopeia, it is hardly a source of wonder that they do not on occasion feel all that chirpy. This is no reason to poison them with even more chemicals, even when said poisons are addictive and guarantee the Pharmacopeia tons of repeat business.”
The Hoaxacopeia’s rebuke has been swift and decisive. A spokes-priest for the Temple of Dementia Temple Temple of Dementia
He then went on to warn that traditional ritual of Smearem Discreditem, which tends to be quite effective in subduing populist troublemakers, particularly when the danger arises that people might start paying them some attention, is “coming Mr. Sensibal’s way in the very near future. Let’s hope he takes the hint.”
Well, I think that lays Mr. Sensibal to rest once and for all. So let us move on briefly to the matter of education.
Plans to bring education, education, education to all the people of these islands are moving ahead quite smoothly. Once again, we have the cunning minds of the Temple of Dementiab sub-temple of Dumandumma
This year we will be issuing certificates to every school child who can hold a pencil and get out of bed in time to attend the exam, attesting that they have “passed everything with an A,” which saves on the administrative costs of things such as marking exams and teaching and proves that we have been successful in issuing certificates.
It also removes from children the unfair stress of having to achieve something and sets them up well for a life of slavery, drudgery, penury, soldiery and other worthwhile careers. The system is also proving successful in keeping young minds out of the dissident clutches of the peddlers of “information” and “facts,” such as Sensibal Dietts, by removing from them the ability to read either Sensibal Dietts’ publications or the works of other malcontents such as the warning labels on the products of the Pharmacopeia or the products of Poisonus Additivs and other food manufacturers.
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