MIC (motto: “Delivering the payload 24/7”) today announced that the successful appointee to this vital and varied role, which bears the title of Ruthless Dictator, will be responsible primarily for restoring morale to the MIC’s philanthropic arm, the NATO charity, mostly by giving it a reason to exist and/or blow some people up.
NATO is currently preoccupied with its benevolent work in Libya but there are rumblings of discontent among its major benefactors. Many of them feel that the threat posed by Libya has been disappointingly half-hearted and nowhere near scary enough. Unless Gaddhafi can get his act together and amass warlike hordes poised to invade Europe, or at least create the impression that he has, there is a danger that orders for MIC’s lovingly crafted state-of-the-art weapons of mass genocide will dry up.
MIC, famous for winning many awards from governments such as the coveted “Immunity from Prosecution,” “The Keys to the Exchequer,” and “The Queen’s Award for Economic Blackmail” today issued a brief statement through its spokesperson, Joe Satan (15), head of its Department of Warmongering.
The statement said, “The performance of recent appointees to the Ruthless Dictator position has not justified the trust placed in them. Therefore we are looking for a new broom, someone with a fresh approach. We must avert the catastrophic prospect of running out of bogeymen to frighten people with because that would cause a drastic decline in consumer demand for our products. If an epidemic of peace breaks out, jobs will be lost throughout the industry, thousands of shareholders will lose their Porsches and the economies of the United States and her Trans-Atlantic province,Great Britain, will be irreparably damaged.”
The plight facing the NATO charity is a case in point and exemplifies the problem with which the entire MIC conglomerate is struggling. An effective Ruthless Dictator (R.D.) competently fulfilling his (or her, as this is an equal opportunities position) duties is essential for the maintenance of healthy sales figures. Without an R.D. who is up to the task, what marketing experts refer to as MIC's Unique Selling Proposition, ("We blow people up for their own good") is compromised. The average tax payer then becomes uncooperative about his (or her) role in supplying MIC with money.
Then a mealy mouthed, pinko-liberal minority of no more than 80% of the population start making a big song and dance about killing people with whom they have no quarrel and have in fact never even met. The government can then be forced to spend tax payer's money dealing with a pandemic of reasoned arguments before it gets out of hand.
MIC may even be be forced to think up another Unique Selling Proposition but in that regard is right out of ideas as it tends to be notoriously difficult to think up good reasons for shifting stocks of WMDs before they're past their sell-by date.
Indeed, not only MIC is jeopardised by this fear shortfall. Fear of external threat, in so far as it keeps the public’s attention off what its own government is doing, has been the keystone of successful governments for thousands of years, while a good excuse to kill some foreigners and dismember their children has always been a vital component of international diplomacy. Without these familiar tools governments will not know what to do. They face the grim prospect of people wondering why they need them, of not being able to blame someone else or even being in a position of having to answer intelligent questions from their citizens and other enemies.
It is generally felt within MIC and its public relations offices in the White House, Downing Street, Brussels and so forth that the rot set in with the late and sorely missed Soviet Union.
Until the end of the highly profitable sales drive known as World War Two, the Ruthless Dictator position was filled by a number of highly qualified and very adept incumbents such as Messrs Stalin, Hitler and Mussolini.
After the phasing out of Hitler and Mussolini and the unfortunate death of Mr. Stalin, things have not quite been the same.
(Continued in Part Two)
1 comment:
Thank you Stephen THAT is the kind of editorial we need; to entertain and inform - with no censorship.
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